White Sox Upcoming Attractions Sneak Peek: 2022 Guaranteed Rate Field Offers

There are remarkable White Sox legends of our past, but the still unsung heroes of our distant past and present also deserve some recognition. With this exclusive preview of next year’s offerings, investigative journalist and voice over artist Di Billick announces how the White Sox are working to expand options for park fans in 2022.


We all know and love the homeland of the Chicago White Sox, our great Comisk-US Cel- guaranteed rate field. It’s a place where sights, smells and sounds fill any guest with mirth, and bathrooms aren’t crumbling pig troughs that stink like a blocked sewer drain in a nursing home. neglected.

Who among us hasn’t banged our fists against the statue of Paul Konerko, suspended in time with his fist to the sky, as he sidesteps the basics in his Grand Slam in the 2005 World Series. We have narrowly escaped heatstroke by finding respite in the Old Comiskey Park shower on hot days. Putting on your free Sox Social Revolution Brewing Tap Room hat will get you more compliments than wearing a hat you bought for $ 60. And who hasn’t drunkenly coveted the thick, juicy thighs of the tanned Big Hurt statue, when you get jerked off by Nugenix and wonder if there are any side effects if a woman takes the supplement? Oh, just me? To move on.

Thanks to good reporting and old-fashioned sourcing, South Side Sox is rolling out the best of the best of the new 2022 offerings. Enjoy!


AJ Sucker-Punch Statue

A disembodied baby’s fist is not attached to anyone important.

This one doesn’t need any explanation, but if you’re a new fan, I’ll tell you the unbiased story. In 2006, whiny little bitch Michael Barrett, Cubs counterpart to AJ Pierzynski, became inconsolable at being the catcher for the Cubs and not the White Sox. Tired of beating up those shorter than him, he decided to project his jealousy on AJ’s face with his bitchy little baby fist, causing absolutely no harm except to his own hand, and making him look even weaker. when the White Sox won that game. in a shutout, 7-0.


Elite Éloy-tes

Delicious and reusable!

Young Eloy Jiménez has already done a lot of damage on the south side, joining the squad’s elites early in his career. Eloy is my current favorite player, and elotes are my current favorite food from the guaranteed rate field. The pun does this marketing job on its own: Elite Eloy-tes. Fresh cut corn, mayonnaise, lime juice, cojita cheese, salt, and a pinch of chili powder even make you feel like you’re eating a little healthy, as it’s a vegetable (even though it’s a vegetable). it is coated with cholesterol). Classic park elotes will now be served in an official Eloy batting glove with a “Hi Mom!” decal.


Mark Buehrle Slip and Slide

Detroit Tigers vs. Chicago White Sox

That’s a big undisclosed fine.
Jonathan Daniel / Getty Images

Greatest pitcher alive Mark Buehrle had a comedic pastime of sliding on the wet tarp during rainy delays, much to the chagrin of superiors and security, who repeatedly asked him to stop. Mark Buehrle’s modern Slip and Slide is an oversized tarp, stretched over diamond during late rain. Attendants will introduce the sliders to the field, have them sign electronic waivers, and guide them to the tarp entrance, where they can mimic Buehrle’s iconic run and slide. The scoreboard will show a video of all the fun of Mark Buehrle Slip and Slides, while Ken Williams’ voice will sound through the stadium: “Like I’ve told him twice already, he has to find another hobby. This jeopardizes his career and the chances of his team ”, while“ The Wind ”of the Zac Brown Band plays over it. Whoever slips farthest on the tarp gets another free hat from the Sox Social Revolution Brewing Tap Room and will be fined an undisclosed amount.


The Nancy Faust room

Instead of therapy, the Nancy Faust Room is a peaceful getaway from the worries of life.

When I was little I met Nancy Faust and told her I wanted to play the organ for the White Sox just like she did when I was growing up. It turns out I play the organ, but it’s my husband’s. Either way, Nancy Faust was so kind and gracious, and meeting her as a child was a joyful experience. Thus, the Nancy Faust Room is a charming air-conditioned room at the Guaranteed Tariff Field. The walls are painted pink, with puffy white clouds. Cotton candy and CBD candy are available for purchase, and any other food or drink in concession can be hand-delivered by concierge Nancy Faust White Glove. Wall-mounted TV screens broadcast the ninth round of Mark Buehrle’s Perfect Match, Tim Anderson’s Field of Dreams circuit and Yoán Moncada’s “Desastre Personal” on repeat. Nancy is there, taking requests and playing almost anything you want, as she encourages you to voice your frustrations in the free White Sox newspapers, free for every Nancy Faust room guest. Admission is $ 100 per person, as all artists deserve a living wage and should not work for free. Please tip your concierge.


Steve Lyons day

You give me a candy, Steve.

Legendary utility player Steve “Psycho” Lyons is a one-man baseball circus. He’s already played all nine defensive positions in a single major league exhibition game, and yes, that’s true and not at all. He’s notorious for losing his breath distractedly after a messy head-first slide, to get the dirt off his pants. It’s fitting that on Steve Lyons Day we celebrate the common man in style. Lyon will throw the first pitch, sing the national anthem, perform the three flavors of the Buona Beef race separately as they try to beat their own time in each race, and they will win the batting final for the White Sox, all of it. with his pants down around his ankles. Any White Sox fan who throws dollar bills into the field will not be fined, but the dollars will be collected and donated to the Nancy Faust Room Foundation.

Ozzie’s Hidden Ball Bazaar

Why did they cut off his eyes?

The guaranteed rate field lines can get long quite quickly between innings, and it’s boring to sit there and wait when you’d rather watch the game. We’ve raised the stakes of the wait with the Ozzie Hidden Ball Bazaar, to celebrate the successful hidden ball tricks played on Ozzie that the big broadcast personality doesn’t want us to remember. Compliant with social distancing guidelines, there are decals every six feet in the line. Security guards will be holding a balloon in their glove, or will they? If you’re surprised by the sticker during a leisurely moment, you have to move to the end of the line, while South Paw puts you to shame with a big cutout of Ozzie’s face and the ‘Loser’ de Beck is playing on the speaker.


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